my not-so-glorified list of automobile don'ts

If you know me, which most of you do or you wouldn't be reading this, I spend LOTS of time in my car... and more specifically, on the interestate. As the weary (and sometimes teary) traveler I am, I have seen many'a scary sights on the road. So many that I thought I would make my list of things you SHOULD NOT even begin to stick, have professionally detailed, spray painted, airbrushed, etched onto your automobile. Seriously, people.

1. two-toned vehicles -- why can't you just pick a color and commit to it?
2. license plates stating you are a princess, spoiled, whatever. my new fav is, "I'm not spoiled, I'm well taken care of." cute. real cute.
3. "In remembrance of Sally Jo Schmo 1945-2001." I may sound TERRIBLE for saying this and I am truly sorry that your family member, best friend, cousin, or dog died, but did he/she/it really want their name on your car.
4. "In remembrance of the King of Pop" -- no comment.
5. No creatures of the sea (i.e. dolphin, whale, turtle, seal, lochness monster) any where at all! Never have I ever understand this fascination with dolphins.
6. duct tape. Can you at least buy the color that matches your car? I mean, I'm pretty sure that make it in every shade of the rainbow these days.
7. silver-tinted windows. yuck, just yuck.
8. a home on top of your truck that barely fits but is somehow balancing itself aboard your '87 Ranger. Can you say pedophile?
9. so many leis that you can't see out your windshield. There's no way you've been to Hawaii that many times!
10. a sticker family that extends across your entire back window. I'm so, so sorry you have that many children. Deeply.
11. those not-so-subtle male body parts hanging from your bumper hitch. Answer me this one question: why?
12. a rebel flag -- just like a target right there on your vehicle.
13. anything talking about how big of a redneck you are, or how "silly boys, trucks are for girls" -- the epitemy of class
14. that little boy with his pants down peeing on "Junior's" number 8. ugh.
15. bumper stickers covering the entire back side of your car. how do you see!?
16. stuffed animals in your back window. fluffy gets hot back there.
17. license plates that you only you understand. GRG YCH.. what!?
18. the words "high roller" scribed in elegant white across the black as night window of your Mini Cooper :)
---disclaimer: I love God, but I am not supporting the following Jesus paraphernalia---
19. the "God is my pilot" license plate -- this is just so 1994.
20. a whole school of cross-eyed fish. there is no need for them to cover the entire backside of your car. Is that a Toyota? Who knows, I can't tell for the sea of metallic fins.
21. bible verses covering your entire back glass -- why can't you just tattoo that somewhere. It's way more permanent.

The fact that I have 21 points on this list is beyond ridiculous, so I will stop now.

What are some bad things you have seen on cars?
-the always-glorified Haley

Blame it on the 'rents

Some would say we are attached at the hip. Some think he is my go-to handiman of anything that needs fixing, including life. They know everything about me (mostly), and are the people I "go home" to. But ya girl is not afraid to throw them under the bus when it comes to my personal quirks.

The following is a list of things that I will always blame on my parents:

1. I will never be able to buy anything but Quilted Northern toilet paper and Bounty paper towels.

2. I will never know how to fix anything on my car, in my home, or on my computer.

3. I will say "thank you" way too many times to any waitress, waiter, drive-thru attendant, or any other person in the food business.

4. I will opt for fast food over me cooking a meal any day or night.

5. I will never be able to eat a meal at my own kitchen table. Instead I will head straight to the nearest comfy chair or couch.

6. I will always think/talk way too much about food.

7. I will always worry about what other people are thinking about me.

8. I will never be able to speak publicly without wanting to hurl.

9. I will never get attached to any animal other than horses. (If only you knew how many dogs, cats and fish we have gone through.)

10. I will always check my teeth in the mirror and put on lipstick after every meal. (Okay, okay. I'm strictly blaming this on one parent... Dad.)

11. I will always think I'm funnier than I really am.

12. I will always mumble.

13. I will never be called by the correct last name. Come on, people. It is not that hard to pronounce!

Maybe I should stop these. The list could go on and on, and I have a feeling that you are already bored. But on a final note:

14. I will never be able to do anything without putting 100% of my heart into it, including my relationship with God, friends, work, and life in general.

Love ya Big Dave and Nance!